This isn't my first trip through the wet hole of the horror porn parody mill, I also was given zero tolerance's Friday the 13th porn parody for my birthday a few years ago. I watched that and honestly I was underwhelmed, it just didn't feel like a Friday the 13th movie to me. Jason was using his dick to kill instead of his trusty machete, and there really wasn't any good kills, it felt so wrong. You know you're a horror geek when you're picking apart horror porno's! As a straight man just doesn't get any geekier than looking past the naked women to analyse the star killer, but that's how I roll. I came across (see what I did there?) something about there being an "American Werewolf" porn parody out there and had to take the opportunity to search it out and review it for the site! I figured any movie that begins with nurses and ends in a porno theatre has to make a great porn right? I'll try to get the order of events down as best as I remember.
American Werewolf the Porn Parody starts out on the same foggy moor as the legit American Werewolf does, and as in the original the puffy coat wearing David and Jack head into the Slaughtered Lamb for a pint or two. While drinking their pints Jack is called into the back by the waitress, a beautiful fit young all natural blond who is in need of a 'shagging'. This girl is either British or is putting on a respectable accent (to my Canadian ears anyway). It's at this point between the awesome recreated Slaughtered Lamb sign outside the pub, the pentagrams on the walls, and her accent the attention to detail is looking immaculate! Concerned, Jack caves to her wishes for a quickie while worrying her dad who is talking to David might burst in any moment. And burst he does to find his hot daughter naked and sticky. The old man chases Jack and David out into the night where the two hear howling! The dudes playing Jack and David are doing a really great job of recreating the friendship between the characters. If you walked in on someone watching this you'd probably be fooled into thinking it's American Werewolf in London that is until a well kept pussy or something pops up on the screen. It's pretty convincing. The Werewolf attack happens the same only this time with a shittier werewolf costume, Jack is pinned and being torn apart in gruesome fashion by somebody in a so-so werewolf costume. David wakes up in the hospital surrounded by two hot nurses who are having trouble not staring at his erection. Everything plays out the same as the movie with the police interviewing David and when everyone leaves undead jack looking like his respectably similar zombie self visits David to warn him of the curse. David thinks he's going crazy. When the nurse comes to check on him Jack is gone, and David is fast asleep.
Enter the famed Nazi werewolf nightmare!
The Nazi Werewolves again are at the door when David answers, they murder his family in a blaze of bullets only this time after that they undress revealing themselves to be two insanely hot chicks, one blond the other brunette with an arm covered in tattoos. They hop up on the counter and start scissoring like Mrs. Garrison (gross South Park reference) while still wearing the nazi wolf masks, eventually those come off and they go to work making good use of all the space the counter top island provides.
David wakes up, more shit plays out the same as the movie and a black haired Nurse Alex invites him to stay with her while he's in London, the two bang in the shower same as in the movie but predictably more explicit this time round. Jack's undead form keeps warning David. All very cool and very much like American Werewolf. the guy playing Jack really hits the comedic chords of the original. Alex goes to work her night shift while David experiences his first shift to a wolf, it's no Rick Baker effect, but given the resources it's a pretty decent transformation scene. David kills people and wakes up at the Zoo with the wolves....or one Huskey dog as the case may be. He runs home naked full of energy wanting to go on a date with his new love. The bathroom scene plays out where David catches Jack in the mirror and David goes back to being worried, unsure how much longer he can keep pretending he's ok. More porn goes down between side characters and the rest of the film is a shot for shot attempt at remaking the classic, and they do a pretty great job of it, especially Jack's fully deteriorated form in the porno theatre. Strangely the porno theatre didn't show any porn being watched which was kind of odd considering there was an out of place sex scene earlier between two random people who weren't in the rest of the movie that could have been stuck in there.
There was a lot of love for American Werewolf gracing the screen in this parody from smash pictures and I was impressed. It had the same charm and wit as the original and the acting was WAY better than I ever expected it to be! All that and enough hardcore action to make you feel dirty and alone.
