Only God Forgives

Only God Forgives stars Ryan Gosling, that in itself should describe the film for you; Gosling plays a mysterious bad ass who has little to say other than bad ass one liners, the film is shot with the newest in Gosling-Vision technology taking slow pans of the actor so the ladies will have something to eye fuck, and yes it can be both disturbing and bloody!

Watching the trailer it's easy for one to get lost in the notion that this is some kind of companion piece to the 2011 film of absolute fucking perfection, Drive, but I'm afraid this assumption builds too much expectation for OGF. Gosling this time takes the role of Julian the black sheep in a family of the most horrid people you could ever encounter. After his brother kills a prostitute, her father kills him, and Julian is expected by his mother to take revenge for his dirty paedophile/murderer brother. Once Julian puts the pieces together; Julian is a forgiving man, his crazy bitch mother though? Ummm not so much. What follows is a slow, plodding, linguistically graphic, often confusing, and visually disturbed cat and mouse game between the dirty cops and Julian's Norma Batesy drug Queen mother.

Although as stated above Only God Forgives is slow and confusing, it is also musically and visually striking, piercing every chord of the senses. Scenes of torture are continually surrounded by beauty, the decor on walls often drops you into a seedy labyrinthine underworld both claustrophobic and hypnotic, and the music sounds at times like an 8 bit dream/nightmare.

I really enjoyed the torture and violence, I loved the writing, was weirded out by the continual live 'kind of karoke' musical interludes, and overall thought it was a very cool film to look at. There is lots to love here, but it is the slowest of burns and too confusing at times for it's own good. I'm on the fence with this one, reflecting on the movie it's got a lot to offer I just wish the violence was turned up a little further and the pacing was quite a bit tighter. Judge for yourself, it's not Drive calibre, but it shouldn't have been booed out of Cannes film fest either.

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Art/Crime Inner Depavity / Article 163

In October of 2009 an attack on the horror community began in Montreal, Canada. The victim makeup effects artist Remy Couture was contacted just days earlier by a couple wanting use of his craft to create some disturbed halloween family photos, a session was booked and Remy was preparing for his new friendly clients to show up to his office so the fun could begin. However the couple "couldn't find" his studio and he was instructed to come outside so he could direct them to the proper residence. When outside Remy was tackled to the ground, identified and hauled off in an unmarked car by a group of plain clothed officers. Scared these weren't really officers, Remy found some relief when escorted into a police station for interrogation. The fear was gone, but the confusion set in as Remy was told he was the target of an international operation to investigate his portfolio turned fake snuff website innerdepravity.com! The investigation of a phoney online photo and video album featuring the fake acts of a demented serial killer are understandable, what followed however was not. Upon realizing that the realistic nature of the photo's and video's could only be attributed to Remy's amazing skill as a horror themed artist the police kept their grip of Remy and began creating a case to charge him with corruption of morals under Canadian law; which if convicted could put Remy Couture away for 2 years when the only thing he is guilty of is having enough dedication to really kick ass at his job.

This documentary is the exhaustive story from the early concept of Morgue666.com to it's evolution and improvement InnerDepravity.com and the controversy that followed. The documentary is exhaustive speaking to every resource; models, famous artists, police, criminologists, and the list goes on and on. After hearing and seeing this insane story unfold head on over to the special features and you get to experience everything Inner Depravity ever offered to it's users. Not only do I highly recommend this title, I also suggest buying it from the source if you're interested. The fight might be over for now but Remy Couture still needs this support to cover his expensive legal fees. If you want to support, check out supportremy.com where you can buy this DVD or a sweet T shirt or something.

Extra Entrails

Although police and media twisted words to make him look unsuitable as a human being let alone an artist, Remy Couture was finally found not guilty in late 2012!

Remy Couture did makeup on the very bloody and violent Punisher: Warzone!

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Popcorn Horror App

I am totally blown away by the App Popcorn Horror. There is so much stale crap in the App store it's super exciting to come across something that you will actually use more than once. Popcorn Horror is a data base on your smart phone featuring the short films of some of the best and frightest up and coming horror filmakers. You will not see any cheap, crappy zombie shorts filmed in someones backyard as it seems the App is screened for quality entries only. Very few filmmakers charge to view their material, so few in fact that it's out of place with the group of free content available to you when you do come across it. The App itself is free so you have nothing to lose jumping into it. This is perfect when you're itching for a moment of chills and thrills on the go, not to mention buckets of gore of course! Or if you need to calm your stress by seeing others have a much worse day than what you just experienced. Get your terror on with Popcorn Horror on your smart phone, one new movie every week, and an entire catalogue of previous entries to also explore. 

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Header

A “Header” is defined, in the movie, as “The worst revenge tactic conceivable” or “an eye for an eye.”  To further quote the deranged duo “after all, that’s what the bible says don’t it?” What Header really turns out to be is a practical joke played by Edward Lee, the author of the original short story on which the movie is based.

When he was approached to option one of his stories, Edward Lee decided to test the sense of humor of the producers involved by sending them a few more stories, with one of his most depraved tales as a chaser.  (A recollection that is told along with many others in the extensive and hilarious special features.) At its core, the flick is two stories that slowly blend together climaxing in an intensely satisfying finale that you have to see to believe.

What is a Header?  That was the question burning in the back of my mind (like a hot drill perhaps?). My wife asked me to keep an eye out for the DVD after she realized it was listed on her favorite author’s (Jack Ketchum of The Lost, The Girl Next Door, and The Offspring fame) IMDB page.  The more I tried to research the movie, instead of going with a blind buy, the more the same question continued to surface. Adding fuel to that fire, of course, is the official website www.whatsaheader.com. 

As far as gore is concerned I have to give props to Terry Radowski and his team for their truly disturbing makeup effects, they come fresh out of the school of Savini and it shows, way to go boys! 

If you enjoy testing your gag reflex or just like that purely fucked up shit, you will have fun with this. Grab a six pack, a few friends and I guarantee you will be laughing through the credits and feeling dirty long after. I can't tell you what a Header is though because finding out first hand is half the fun!

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An American Werewolf in London XXX the Porn Parody

This isn't my first trip through the wet hole of the horror porn parody mill, I also was given zero tolerance's Friday the 13th porn parody for my birthday a few years ago. I watched that and honestly I was underwhelmed, it just didn't feel like a Friday the 13th movie to me. Jason was using his dick to kill instead of his trusty machete, and there really wasn't any good kills, it felt so wrong. You know you're a horror geek when you're picking apart horror porno's! As a straight man just doesn't get any geekier than looking past the naked women to analyse the star killer, but that's how I roll. I came across (see what I did there?) something about there being an "American Werewolf" porn parody out there and had to take the opportunity to search it out and review it for the site! I figured any movie that begins with nurses and ends in a porno theatre has to make a great porn right? I'll try to get the order of events down as best as I remember.

American Werewolf the Porn Parody starts out on the same foggy moor as the legit American Werewolf does, and as in the original the puffy coat wearing David and Jack head into the Slaughtered Lamb for a pint or two. While drinking their pints Jack is called into the back by the waitress, a beautiful fit young all natural blond who is in need of a 'shagging'. This girl is either British or is putting on a respectable accent (to my Canadian ears anyway). It's at this point between the awesome recreated Slaughtered Lamb sign outside the pub, the pentagrams on the walls, and her accent the attention to detail is looking immaculate! Concerned, Jack caves to her wishes for a quickie while worrying her dad who is talking to David might burst in any moment. And burst he does to find his hot daughter naked and sticky. The old man chases Jack and David out into the night where the two hear howling! The dudes playing Jack and David are doing a really great job of recreating the friendship between the characters. If you walked in on someone watching this you'd probably be fooled into thinking it's American Werewolf in London that is until a well kept pussy or something pops up on the screen. It's pretty convincing. The Werewolf attack happens the same only this time with a shittier werewolf costume, Jack is pinned and being torn apart in gruesome fashion by somebody in a so-so werewolf costume. David wakes up in the hospital surrounded by two hot nurses who are having trouble not staring at his erection. Everything plays out the same as the movie with the police interviewing David and when everyone leaves undead jack looking like his respectably similar zombie self visits David to warn him of the curse. David thinks he's going crazy. When the nurse comes to check on him Jack is gone, and David is fast asleep.

Enter the famed Nazi werewolf nightmare!

The Nazi Werewolves again are at the door when David answers, they murder his family in a blaze of bullets only this time after that they undress revealing themselves to be two insanely hot chicks, one blond the other brunette with an arm covered in tattoos. They hop up on the counter and start scissoring like Mrs. Garrison (gross South Park reference) while still wearing the nazi wolf masks, eventually those come off and they go to work making good use of all the space the counter top island provides.

David wakes up, more shit plays out the same as the movie and a black haired Nurse Alex invites him to stay with her while he's in London, the two bang in the shower same as in the movie but predictably more explicit this time round. Jack's undead form keeps warning David. All very cool and very much like American Werewolf. the guy playing Jack really hits the comedic chords of the original. Alex goes to work her night shift while David experiences his first shift to a wolf, it's no Rick Baker effect, but given the resources it's a pretty decent transformation scene. David kills people and wakes up at the Zoo with the wolves....or one Huskey dog as the case may be.  He runs home naked full of energy wanting to go on a date with his new love. The bathroom scene plays out where David catches Jack in the mirror and David goes back to being worried, unsure how much longer he can keep pretending he's ok. More porn goes down between side characters and the rest of the film is a shot for shot attempt at remaking the classic, and they do a pretty great job of it, especially Jack's fully deteriorated form in the porno theatre. Strangely the porno theatre didn't show any porn being watched which was kind of odd considering there was an out of place sex scene earlier between two random people who weren't in the rest of the movie that could have been stuck in there.

There was a lot of love for American Werewolf gracing the screen in this parody from smash pictures and I was impressed. It had the same charm and wit as the original and the acting was WAY better than I ever expected it to be! All that and enough hardcore action to make you feel dirty and alone.

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The Theatre Bizarre

I want to keep this review as brief as possible to prevent spoilers which is often hard to do with these compilation "Creepshow" style movies as the stories are really quite short and simple. A young lady enters a creepy theatre, it's dark and the only other audience members appear to be manikins. Stage lights flicker on and we are introduced to our host for the evening, as the young lady settles in her seat a marionette man (Udo Kier) pops up on the stage to tell the young woman 6 creepy tales.

1. Mother of Toads - A man travelling with his girlfriend is more interested in researching strange places  for his work than spending time relaxing. While exploring a town market the man encounters an old lady who claims to have in her possession the actual Necronomicon. The offer to hold this ancient relic is too tempting to refuse so the man treks to the old ladies forested mountain top estate to the disapproval of his girlfriend. Very fun cool story sporting a healthy dose of Lovecraftian imagery, nudity, gore, and TOADS!!!!

2. I Love You - The drama spikes to an all time high when a woman confesses to her husband that she is leaving him. He picks and prods her to explain why begging for another chance. The more pitiful the man gets the harsher the woman acts, soon the situation deteriorates to a torturous level. There is a blanket of deep sympathy we can feel for both these characters because the situation feels so real, both have made mistakes and there's no real black and white good guy or bad guy the whole thing sits in a grey area. Fantastic chemistry between the actors, we're happy to be voyeurs on the situation, a fly on the wall so to speak.

3. Wet dreams - Directed by and starring Tom Savini wet dreams is the tale of an abusive unfaithful husband who has dug his grave and if he's lucky he might get to lie in it. Wet Dreams hits with a one two punch of plenty of nudity and great gore through this dream turned nightmare. This story gets real fucked up and marked the first but not last time I began to squirm with disgust and excitement at the Bizarre!

4. The Accident - A little girl learns about the harsh realities of death head-on. This story takes the movie in a strange new serious and realistic direction. It's not bad but it's a bit of a downer considering all the fun that's been happening up to this point. The Accident slams on the breaks for the whole feature, although it's good it feels really out of place.

5. Vision Stains - A nameless woman stalks alley's for eye juice of the local drugged up homeless populace. This was a strange story with some pretty disturbing imagery, wasn't the best of the lot, but it only lasted as long as it had to and didn't over stay it's welcome. If eye inflicted violence ain't your bag then this one was definitely made as a love letter to you.

6. Sweets - A woman with a food fetish sits down face to face with the boyfriend she's turned into a glutton. Fucking gross, I can't take that force feeding fetish stuff (especially when I've just eaten a little too much) without turning my stomach in knots, we see lots of grotesque flash backs of this descent into depravity the couple shared. This story is nasty beginning to end, on my full stomach I could barely endure the pleasure. If the rest was appetiser and main course 'Sweets' was the dessert. This was one of my favourites and ended the whole thing off on a great note, I was ready to puke in the best possible way!

If the above descriptions have you intrigued in anyway I highly recommend Theatre Bizarre, you sure as Hell can bet it lives up to it's name. And I just read there will be a sequel!!!!

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Mimesis: Night of the Living Dead

 Overly complicated head scratching title aside this concept really sounded original, new and exciting to me. Two good friends on a trip to a horror convention somehow get trapped along with other con patrons in an alternate world where they are cast to relive the George A. Romero classic Night of the Living Dead! I can't tell you what an immense good time that would be until shit gets real and a walking sack of maggots starts chewing on you or your friend's vitals. Not so much fun anymore.
Now from the start to about a third of the movie this is a good zombie film, not great by any means, but certainly good. Something happens at that point though, I won't spoil it because it really tossed me on my ass, but this thing picks up speed and takes off like a fucking nuclear missile somehow making the slower start of the film, easier to digest. The character's aren't anything special as it's mostly convention tag alongs (not true fans) who wake up in this nightmare, but rest assured there is a purpose for everything. Smart, fun, and soaked in gore Mimesis is a one of a kind tasty treat for the undead eyes. Hell I'll even go one step further and label this bitch "Groovy!"

P.S. I saw this flick get bashed a lot across the internet as the trailer had music by the self proclaimed most hated band in the world the Insane Clown Posse and ended claiming the film itself also featured music by ICP. Now my thoughts on ICP aside I can tell you for better or worse there is only one ICP song in the whole damn thing and it doesn't play till the end credit crawl. So if their music was keeping you from seeing this flick, suck it up buttercup nobody is forcing you to sit through the credits unless you watch it with me; in which case you will watch the credits and enjoy the credits and not talk through the credits. :)

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Hatchet 3

The Hatchet Franchise has been one of the best modern day Horror Franchise's in my personal opinion, since the day's when Freddy,Michael, and Jason were wreaking all havoc on your screens and haunting your nightmares!

Hatchet 1 & 2 was directed by the creator Adam Green while for the 3rd instalment he handed the director duties to his loyal camera operator and new comer to the big chair behind the camera BJ McDonnell, But even with McDonnell directing Adam Green still wrote the screenplay, so basically limiting the direction a new director could take the franchise, but BJ McDonnell still did a pretty damn good job with his limitations!

The movie starts off immediately where the second one finished off with a great horrific gory violent scene between Marybeth and Victor Crowley which ends pretty sweet! don't wanna ruin it for you like other sites may be doing with there review so i'll stop there.

The Movies about a search and recovery team heads into the haunted swamp to pick up the pieces and Marybeth learns the secret to ending the voodoo curse that has left Victor Crowley haunting and terrorizing Honey Island Swamp for decades. (taken from IMDB)

This movie has it all... almost, it has The Gore! The Violence! The Over The Top Kills! A Couple Laughs if your twisted in the head like I may be, but one thing this movie was missing that every slasher film should have is The Titties! <----Highlight there to see what i'm talking about it's not a major spoiler but it may disappoint a few haha.

But overall I loved the movie, and the Cameo cameo from Sid Haig (Captain Spaulding from The Devil's Rejects) was hilarious! and i highly recommend this movie to all fans of Hatchet 1 & 2 and if you ain't seen the first 2 yet i suggest you run out and grab yourself a copy of both! even though its not 100% necessary to see the first 2 to enjoy the third i reccomend it so you'll know the full story of Victor Crowley! and I guarantee you will love them, if your a true fan of the Slasher Genre! or send me your dvd's you buy and i will give you 5$ for them haha

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Q: The Winged Serpent

In this New York set Kaiju throwback a cult sacrifices willing members to an ancient God who just happens to be a giant winged serpent!

David Carradine (that guy that strangled himself to death while master-bating after playing Bill in Kill Bill) plays a cop who's putting his reputation in jeopardy by linking the gruesome murders of cult members to the giant bird sightings. Q also stars Michael Moriarty and he steals the show as a hard luck small time criminal who finds Q's nest while hiding from police and his associates after a botched robbery. Moriarty is one of those people who even if you don't recognize him he has a familiar face, likeable demeanor, and a charisma that even accompanies his most pathetic moments; you can't not root for this guy.  Last but not least the belle of the blood ball Q is one Hell of a winged serpent even if she doesn't exactly match up to the poster art of the time. Q is brought to terrifying life through the magic of stop motion and robotic puppetry! 

I don't want to spoil anything as Q gave me so much more story than what I was expecting, but in the end if blood raining down (from a lacerated sky) on panicked citizens from the claws and mouth of a pretty kick ass winged serpent sounds like fun to you I'd highly recommend this flick!

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"DEAR GOD NO!"

"Dear God No!" is the amalgamation of 3 different exploitation themes; biker flick, monster movie, and 1970's stag film. A biker gang known as the Impalers are going on a rampage, killing all witnesses and generally pissing people off including their own chapter. The leader of the chapter warns the group that if they continue killing every person they come across drawing unwanted attention they will be the number one targets of the entire gang. Now on the run from what's left of the gang, the impalers look for a wealthy house they can creepy crawl Manson style. Unfortunately for the Impalers the house they invade is home to a scientist with a Sasquatch fetish.

I really want to start off by saying that at it's rotten core "DEAR GOD NO!" is a really enjoyable movie, but there's plenty of things that for me personally tried my patience and that is where the film suffered greatly. The opening sequence kind of set that tone, as this long drawn out music piece blared over the dialogue leaving anything the gang said in the first 5-8 minutes entirely up to my lip reading skills which aren't very goddamn good. Of course that was all followed up by the bikers riding towards the camera for what felt like an eternity while the music finished off. In another scene some strippers danced around with the camera zooming in on their tits from different angles until this view of tits became torture (it takes a special kind of talent to make beautiful naked women boring to look at.) Remember on Simpson's when Milhouse, while watching the Poochie episode of Itchy and Scratchy cried out in frustration "Awwww when are they going to get to the fireworks factory?" I really wish every filmmaker out there would keep poor Milhouse's pathetic tone in the back of their heads before subjecting us to the same thoughts. Well, I think I've made my point about the flaws of this film so now onto the fun stuff!

When it comes to these cheesy throwback fanboy exploitation films there are certain beats you need them to hit. For starters the music needs to put you right in the era they intend to mimic. While as I stated above sometimes there was a little too much thought taken to the importance of the music, when used in proper moderation the score was perfect in every way. They need nudity, most of the time the nudity was welcome and again in proper moderation it was awesome. Over the top disgusting characters, I didn't always buy the performances that needed selling and there was certainly some lulls that could have used a punch, but overall some awesome dialogue and good bad acting throughout pretty much kept me grinning the entire time. And lastly great practical effects to fancy up the whole thing! Not all kills were on screen but the ones that were looked fantastic, great squatch effects too! Dear God No is good not great, but it is definitely good. If you've seen the trailer this movie looks like the best discovery you've ever made, so be warned don't go in expecting Manborg, Father's Day, Hobo with a Shotgun or any others that sit at a mighty throne on their own.

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V/H/S 2

Just released On Demand the other day is V/H/S 2 it's the second of I'm sure many to come in the V/H/S Horror Movie series, Also make sure to check it out in Theater's July 12, 2013. V/H/S 2 is about - While Searching for a missing student, two private investigators break into his house and find a collection of VHS tapes. Viewing the horrific contents of each cassette, they realize there may be dark motives behind the student's disappearance.

From the Directors of The Raid, Hobo With A Shotgun, You're Next and The Blair Witch Project! This made me really excited about seeing this movie as I loved every single one of those movies!

Don't want to spoil anything so without saying what each tape is about, I'll tell you my thoughts on each one. I went into watching this movie without seeing any Trailers for it at all, so i'd be completely surprised about everything in this movie, and I'm glad i did that cuz i had no clue what so ever what was in this movie!

The First Tape is pretty awesome! Directed by Adam Wingard. Brings The Scares, n Creepy shit in full effect, If you're a pussy grab a blanket and wrap yourself up n cover your eye's

The Second Tape Brings the gore and i guess if you have a twisted mind a little humor as i laughed a little bit during this amazing tape! Directed by Eduardo Sanchez and Gregg Hale

The Third Tape Written & Directed by Timo Tjahjanto & Gareth Huw Evans is my favorite of the 4. It's subtitled as it's not in English not sure what the exact language is Chinese or Mandarin or something else, but I'm sure if this was in English it wouldn't be nearly as awesome, Each tape just keeps outdoing the last all i gotta say is this tape... Holy Shit!! Fucking Love It!

The Fourth Tape was really well done about a subject matter that's never really interested me but the Director Jason Eisener did an amazing job turning this into an entertaining story! I really enjoyed it alot.

What in my mind sets this apart from other Horror movies is this is like 5 short Horror Movies in one 4 Tapes and the main story to make it a feature film and not just 5 short story's! each is packed full of creepy shit, good scares, gore, blood, and titties and all the other ingredients to make an awesome movie! while other horror movies spread a few scares here n there within a full length feature film, I watch ton's of Horror Movies and haven't seen one this amazing in a while! I recommend you watch it with a lady friend with the lights off! Also this movie gets bonus points for having some nice ass titties in it!!! and some of the goriest scenes you'll ever see in a movie! I've been sitting here for about 30 minutes now since the movie ended and all i can think is what the fuck did i just watch... and WOW... I have a pretty twisted mind and I've just witnessed shit i could never of imagined!

Overall if you liked or loved V/H/S 1 you will SHIT OUT YOUR VAGINA! for this one!! it's that fucking good!! And in my opinion WAY better then V/H/S 1 and i loved the first one! and cannot wait for a 3rd installment!!

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Wednesday 13

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Victor Crowley

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Trick R Treat #4

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Trick r Treat #3

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Trick r Treat #2

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Trick 'r Treat #1

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Killer Tomatos

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The Walking Dead

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Daryl And Merle Dixon The Walking Dead

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