"DEAR GOD NO!"

"Dear God No!" is the amalgamation of 3 different exploitation themes; biker flick, monster movie, and 1970's stag film. A biker gang known as the Impalers are going on a rampage, killing all witnesses and generally pissing people off including their own chapter. The leader of the chapter warns the group that if they continue killing every person they come across drawing unwanted attention they will be the number one targets of the entire gang. Now on the run from what's left of the gang, the impalers look for a wealthy house they can creepy crawl Manson style. Unfortunately for the Impalers the house they invade is home to a scientist with a Sasquatch fetish.

I really want to start off by saying that at it's rotten core "DEAR GOD NO!" is a really enjoyable movie, but there's plenty of things that for me personally tried my patience and that is where the film suffered greatly. The opening sequence kind of set that tone, as this long drawn out music piece blared over the dialogue leaving anything the gang said in the first 5-8 minutes entirely up to my lip reading skills which aren't very goddamn good. Of course that was all followed up by the bikers riding towards the camera for what felt like an eternity while the music finished off. In another scene some strippers danced around with the camera zooming in on their tits from different angles until this view of tits became torture (it takes a special kind of talent to make beautiful naked women boring to look at.) Remember on Simpson's when Milhouse, while watching the Poochie episode of Itchy and Scratchy cried out in frustration "Awwww when are they going to get to the fireworks factory?" I really wish every filmmaker out there would keep poor Milhouse's pathetic tone in the back of their heads before subjecting us to the same thoughts. Well, I think I've made my point about the flaws of this film so now onto the fun stuff!

When it comes to these cheesy throwback fanboy exploitation films there are certain beats you need them to hit. For starters the music needs to put you right in the era they intend to mimic. While as I stated above sometimes there was a little too much thought taken to the importance of the music, when used in proper moderation the score was perfect in every way. They need nudity, most of the time the nudity was welcome and again in proper moderation it was awesome. Over the top disgusting characters, I didn't always buy the performances that needed selling and there was certainly some lulls that could have used a punch, but overall some awesome dialogue and good bad acting throughout pretty much kept me grinning the entire time. And lastly great practical effects to fancy up the whole thing! Not all kills were on screen but the ones that were looked fantastic, great squatch effects too! Dear God No is good not great, but it is definitely good. If you've seen the trailer this movie looks like the best discovery you've ever made, so be warned don't go in expecting Manborg, Father's Day, Hobo with a Shotgun or any others that sit at a mighty throne on their own.